Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
