just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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