what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
