he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
