Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
