Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
