and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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