so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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