Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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