3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
