"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
