It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
