Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
