Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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