The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
