If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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