It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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