I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
