Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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