Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
