eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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