Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
