My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
