LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
