Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
