Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
