the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
