matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
