Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
