a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
