what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
