Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
