please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
