Define "chronic" masturbator.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
