i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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