singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
