dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
