Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
