Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
