is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
