she woke up with a sticky ear
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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