im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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