He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
