we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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