fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
