The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And then he peed in my hair
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