Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
