There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
