We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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