he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
