I wish I could teleport
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
