Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
