Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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