I wish I could teleport
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
