Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
