Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
