This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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